Fake Love

“Anissa por que no tienes novio,” (Anissa why don’t you have a boyfriend?) my lita (grandmother) asks. Tell me why I get asked this question all the damn time and I never know how to respond because although I grew up surrounded by my parent’s authentic love, I have also grown up witnessing some toxic relationships. Within my family, there has been physically and verbally abusive husbands, husbands in prison, husbands who are unfaithful, boyfriends who are cheaters, boyfriends who have left at the first sign of commitment, etc etc. Although this is my blog and I would like to write everything down so that I may feel some control over these problems, I know that it is not my right to talk about other people’s difficulties, but just be aware that these difficulties are ever-present.

Unfortunately, as I grew up surrounded by men who were unfaithful, I began to normalize the action of cheating and internalize the misconception that women must be obedient to men (Let me just tell you … I DO NOT believe that now). But as I grew older and surrounded myself with powerful, independent women I learned that 1. I wanted to be an independent women 2. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed to defend my values 3. Not all men are bad. After this realization, I began dating. Let’s keep this short and simple: I “dated” this guy .. he lied to me .. I forgave him .. we broke up .. two weeks after the break up he had a new girlfriend. Great. Wow. What a slap in the face. So much for the whole dating thing. Now I was back to where I started: mistrusting boys. But that was a few years ago … a lot has changed since then. For instance, instead of wanting to be an independent woman, I am one.

I have to admit, I still have trust issues in any relationship, due to the fact that I have experienced several people leave my life because ... well … they were cowards (still shoutout out to them for leaving because you have only made me stronger). However, I have come to terms with the fact that some boys can be deceiving in their intentions, but not all … and that is an important distinction. So thank you to all the men who have chosen to stay in my life. Most importantly, thank you to my papi for not only being the best damn father/husband there is, but for also being an all around great guy and teaching me to be patient for love … afterall I’m only 18! Till next time. Love yall.