* Disclaimer: Definitely the most random (unstructured) blog post yet.
Hey loves, I know I have been MIA lately, which has been do to several reasons, the biggest being school. These past two months have definitely been one hell of a ride, not only have I been faced with difficulties in my academics, but I also have faced difficulties in learning to fully embrace and love myself (something that I thought I conquered last year). Nonetheless, I remain grateful (I mean how could I not when I am currently writing this in a beautiful library, surrounding by such brilliant minds, at the number one public university in the world). When things get rough at school and when I feel stress taking over me I give myself time to reflect and think about why I am here. I truly belong here. I have so much passion and so much to contribute that I must stop doubting myself. My goal if anything is to take my education as seriously as possible, while still setting enough time to have fun and relax. I want my parents to be proud of me, but most importantly I want to look back at these four years at CAL and be able to say that I did all the things I set out to do.
What else have I been up to these past two months..you may ask? Well, a lot of things. I was part of a wonderful production called the Vagina Monologues where I got to meet women who were so exquisite and so trusting. These women not only taught me just how powerful a women could be, but they also taught me about the power of loving yourself. I think one of my proudest moments of these past two months was me coming out, and receiving the love and support from my friends. That was the best feeling. Furthermore, the show was such a success. It was beautiful to watch the audience’s reactions when they learned about these issues surrounding women. Although the show may have been stressful, with rehearsals and all, it was definitely worth it because I gained 30+ friends who I know will be there to guide me through the rest of my years here.
I am also in the process of apartment hunting which is pretty damn scary yet exciting. Like wow...I am going to live “on my own” next year, which to me entails being an adult...and like...I am a baby. I mean people have always considered me to be very independent and mature, in fact at least once a day someone tells me “Wow, you are a freshman I thought you were an upperclassmen by the way you carry yourself.” I still don’t really know what they mean but I guess it’s a compliment lol. Anyways...I am very excited to have an apartment next year and to be sharing it was such amazing people. I am ready to decorate my room all cute and shit and I am ready to have baking parties and wine wednesdays. But I must confess, I will miss my dorm room and my current roomies a lot next year (If my roomies are reading this, I love you both).
(Sidenote: My mind is all scatterbrained, so sorry if this post is very random lol. I am currently writing this while listening to Ed Sheeran’s new album, which entails me half focusing on writing half crying at Ed’s angelic voice).
These past two months I have also met some amazing people. In fact, just by being in their presence makes me so damn happy. I may not be the best at opening up to certain people and I sure as hell have issues with telling people I love them, but please just know that I do love you all and I am always here for you.
What I wish to get across through this post is just how grateful I am feeling. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it were for all the sacrifices my parents have made in order for me to receive all the opportunities they were never given. So I end this “welcome back” post with the essay that got me into CAL and has allowed me to experience the feeling of getting drunk on a Tuesday night because why the fuck not, the feeling of receiving my first midterm and getting an ‘A’, the feeling of having a crappy ass day but then being able to cuddle up with my roomies, and much much more <3
Our family car is a white, beat-up van with a crooked “DJ Tony Silva” sticker on the back, which my dad swears he meant to put on that way. It is a total eyesore. It’s also as big as a tank, which undoubtedly intimidates all those cute new Mini Coopers trying to share the road with it. Though it is quite large, it somehow still feels claustrophobic inside. You would think the solution is to open the windows, but they are old and only open a crack. If that wasn’t enough, there’s also the passenger side door which only opens from the inside, meaning you have to get in through the driver’s side, lean your whole body over to lift the latch, and practically kick the door open. Yet despite all this, whenever my dad brings up getting rid of it, there is always a resounding, “NO!”
Our van may be a wreck, but it houses fond memories, many of which took place while driving down to Disneyland. It may not be an upscale trip to Cancun or New York, but to us, it is the happiest place on earth. Even the year our van broke down while climbing “the grapevine” was unforgettable. My dad set up his laptop so we could watch movies while he got the van up and running again. That was the closest experience to a car DVD player we ever had!
I can well imagine our van has been the source of laughter for many. Even so, I love it. It represents my family’s values. Instead of investing in a new car or a better vacation, my parents chose to invest in my education. The van is a constant reminder of the sacrifices they’ve made to provide me with endless opportunities, and I wish to one day repay them for all they’ve done. I hope to start by adding a University of California seal alongside my dad’s sticker before piling into the van and heading out to what I anticipate will be my happiest place on earth for the following four years.